Off With Her Head

We find ourselves craving the insanity of the past to ease our minds.

~ There's no remedy. ~

I'm haunted by my additions. 

I let demons take over my brain.

I like feeling the afflictions

Of how the ghosts course in my veins.

Some think I'm insane,

But sanity is just a definition, 

A mode for society to tame.

I think I'm losing my head.

I'm falling deeper down the hole.

They don't understand the world that only I know.

They see me sipping from your tea again.

So, they scream, "Off with her head!"

"Off with her head!"

I've tried to get them to understand,

But my words get lost in the haze.

My illusions take me to a wonderland.

I'm at peace in my dystopian state.

Some think I need to be saved,

But safety is a state of mind,

A feeling our brain creates.

I think I'm losing my head.

I'm falling deeper down the hole.

They don't understand the world that only I know.

They see me sipping from your tea again.

So, they scream, "Off with her head!"

"Off with her head!"

I follow you down.

I follow you down time after time. 

I think I'm in control. 

I follow you down. 

Are you controlling my mind?

I think I'm losing my head.

I'm falling deeper down the hole.

They don't understand the world that only I know.

They see me sipping from your tea again.

So, they scream, "Off with her head!"

"Off with her head!"

I follow you down.

So, they scream, "Off with her head!"

I follow you down.

And then,

Off with my head.

Bottle

It's so easy to fade back into the past.

~ Don't relapse. ~

You grab the bottle,

Like so many times before.

I lock my door now,

Like all the signs we ignored.

You're in the next room

Casting your own thunderstorm.

I'm hiding under my umbrella

Casting traps onto the floor.

You say it's one last time,

And I believed you.

I say there's one last line,

And you know I'll keep you. 

You grab the lighter, 

Filling lungs with black lies.

I open a window,

Filling this twisted paradise.

You're so close now,

Reaching out your hand to meet me.

I'm barely standing,

Reaching for your mind to appease me.

You open my door,

Trying to get me to come out.

I step back a little,

Trying to see if you mean it now.

You move your words,

Like pieces in a chess game.

I analyze your movement, 

Like some sort of charade . 

You make promises.

So sweet, like candy for my ears.

I have a flash of memory.

So bitter, like my fallen tears.

You spit more words,

While my mind makes a decision.

I take a step back,

While you try to keep me hidden.

You grab hold of my hand,

But I've made up my mind.

You had a grip on me,

But I think about me this time.

I go back to my room now.

You plead one more chance from me.

I grab hold of the doorknob,

Quickly closing it behind as you leave.

Relapse

The past will have a tendency to repeat itself if it is ignored.

~ Why are addictions so addicting? ~

We're relapsing. 

We're falling back into our forbidden ways. 

From this drug, we had a withdrawal reaction. 

But this time we don't want to be saved. 

All the voices tell us what to do. 

They're pointing to all the signs. 

But you admit it too:

Chaos is the perfect world we've created in our minds.

It's a scary world outside,

But then I take one dose of you.

I close my eyes.

It's an endless ride I thought I already knew.

You're addictive.

I can't discard you like all remedies I try.

And I've tried, but the withdrawal's vindictive.

So we're back reaching for the bottle this time.

We've been through all the highs,

And I've suffered from many side affects.

Sitting here, the highs flood my mind.

I'm addicted to all the defects.

Have we become addicted to insanity?

Are we comfortable in the fatal world we created?

Is that why we thrive on abnormality,

Living life in a state of sedation?

There's so much history

Written on the back of this plastic bottle.

I take your pills and instantly feel the chemistry. 

I know it's wrong, but I still swallow.

Here we are. We're relapsing again. 

How many times will we be back in this state of no return?

Will we have to go through rehabilitation again?

How many times will I think I've learned?

We're relapsing. 

I think we like to give into our addictions. 

We're addicted to this chemical reaction. 

So we grab a bottle and choke down another one. 

Ashes

Fires can burn so beautifully, but they can burn for eternities.

~ Return ashes to ashes. ~

You hand me a lighter, and I suck in your lies.

The attempt is innocent, and I'm slipping out of reality. 

You're painting beautiful pictures in front of my eyes.

Open the window. I'm fading on this ride. 

We're sitting outside in a place we know all too well.

We've been trapped in vehicles of loneliness before. 

We've made memories in our own creation of hell.

Yet, you sit next to me breathing lies and killing brain cells.

You looked so cool, your face so tempting, 

But a barrier is building up like smoke on the windows.

In my right mind, I wouldn't know what I was accepting.

In this fog, I see clear signs of regressing.

One second I'm here in reality, the next an awful dream.

My chest hurts and I'm trying to wake up.

This is the last time I find myself in this passenger seat.

Once again, we're just a nightmare on repeat.

There's a thick haze glossing over my eyes.

I don't know what I'm saying before I confess,

But I'm speaking with a clearer mind.

For the first, time I'm in control of these lines.

My heart beats faster as my mind plays games on me.

A single feeling used to take all the worry away. 

From the outside, I watch myself refute it so naturally.

You move your hands back to yourself callously.

You hand me a lighter, and I suck in the truth.

You were my fire, but now you're just ashes.

Our story's been burnt out and this is long overdue. 

You're just ashes now. I've finally extinguished you. 

Adoration

We're all drawn into the beauty of life and all it has to offer.  We fall prey to its power.

~ It's not the life she envisioned. ~

She lives her life for the adoration.

It became a drug, toxic in remediation. 

Glamorously, she pulls shades over green eyes,

A reflective way to distract them from her disguise. 

The beauty.

She's always in love but only momentarily.

From one to another, she glides carelessly,

But they come to her so voluntarily 

Because she knows the weight beauty carries.

The power.

She uses all she has to her advantage,

But beauty's a power she can never quite manage.

They start to grow tired of the same pretty face,

So they begin to create their own ways.

The rules.

They have their own motives too.

There are reasons she's the one they choose.

Learned behavior, it's all about what one can see,

But her landing happens so quickly.

The fall.

When she falls she hits harder each time.

She's not playing their game - they come to realize. 

Looking for an escape before she's convincing,

But they don't know what they're missing.

The ground.

She always has a backup plan before another leaves,

Distracting her from what's hiding underneath.

Hiding deep down is a secret she won't admit.

She sleeps in different beds of loneliness.

The heartache.

She knows the cycle must stop but it repeats again.

Heartbreak is best medicated with more attention. 

The stakes are high, but she's addicted.

Loneliness is only a curable sickness.

The falsity.

She knows she never has to fall ill to its curse.

She flashes a smile and they all swarm to her. 

It's really quite sad she lives life this way,

But beauty is only a powerful game.

The game.

Sweet, Sweet Dreaming

Dreams can be bittersweet sometimes, especially when they dare to remind.

~ Live forever in fantasy. ~ 

Sweet, sweet kisses you're giving.
Lay, lay down for the evening.
Quick, quick to keep dreaming. 
Lay, lay down for the evening.

In my dreams, I'm seeing past things,
Gone away now, but still taunting me.
Over doesn't feel very complete
When all you want is only for sleep.

I grasp a hand and it feels so real,
Bringing back what I had refused to feel.
After all time has taken to try to mend,
But a mirage had the ability to bend . 

Sweet, sweet kisses you're giving.
Lay, lay down for the evening.
Quick, quick to keep dreaming. 
Lay, lay down for the evening.

Quick, quick before I wake again.
Come, come inside my head.
Stay, stay forever in pretend.
Come, come inside my head.

I think I'd like to live in this fantasy
Because then you'd be real for me.
I'll wear the pretty gowns I used to.
Just promise to keep me like you'd do.

Sweet, sweet kisses you're giving.
Lay, lay down for the evening.
Quick, quick to keep dreaming. 
Lay, lay down for the evening.

Quick, quick before I wake again.
Come, come inside my head.
Stay, stay forever in pretend.
Come, come inside my head.

Oh, sweet memory,
You mustn't be a figment of imagination.
Oh, haunted dreams,
You're not a mere product of my sedation.

Quick, quick before I wake again.
Quick, quick before I wake again.

Sweet, sweet kisses you're giving.
Lay, lay down for the evening.
Quick, quick to keep dreaming. 
Lay, lay down for the evening.

Quick, quick before I wake again.
Come, come inside my head.
Stay, stay forever in pretend.
Come, come inside my head.

Quick, quick before I wake again.
Come, come inside my head.
Stay, stay forever in pretend.
Come, come inside my head.

Come inside my head.

Balloons

Balloons are so tedious.  If their strings aren't grounded the tightly to something or someone, they could float away forever.

~ Ground me down. ~

I'm holding air in like a helium balloon.

A perfect party accent flying out of the room,

Running overdrive on thoughts in my mind,

Until the point I'm lost way up in the sky.

I'm floating far above all the rest,

With every bump a different test.

Helium projects me farther away from what I face.

My mind is ticking, pretense of a different place. 

Maybe I'll float above all I want to erase.

I'm on lock down with about as much I can take.

So, I'll let myself fly away into the air

Because I've lost all sense of knowing to care.

I'm flying so high now,

Blurring out all the ants on the ground.

I've lost control and direction, 

But I'll float until I reach true perfection.

Now I'm stuck so far up in my mind.

I always say, "I'll come down some time."

But time and time come, and I fear the worst. 

It's so much easier when you're dealing out the hurt.

I think I'm waiting for someone.

Someone who knows when to come,

At a time like this when I'm in need,

Right as I forget to breath.

What I need is to get safely back to the ground.

What I need is for it to be all over now.

But air in my helium balloon keeps pulling me up.

So just grab my hand and whisper, "It'll be okay, love."