What You Wanted

Isn't this what you wanted?

~ It's never what you thought it would be. ~

I'm not really sure just happened. 

I can't speak about it because no one else is talking. 

What if I'm wrong? What if I it's what I wanted?

Then, why does it feel so lethal and so haunting?

I don't know what to think anymore. 

You were getting comfortable inside my mind. 

I listened with such obedience. 

I was swayed far too easily time and time. 

But is it what I really wanted?

No, I remember my voice grasping firmly on the word. 

As I sat there repeating it,

You were out for yourself without giving me any concern. 

I did this to myself, that's what you told me.

But I trusted you and you used that to your advantage. 

I thought I knew you and I trusted you. 

But you saw me as an opportunity to further your antics. 

I'm seeing flashes of those times. 

I didn't quite understand what happened then. 

Finally, I gave in and admitted to someone. 

And the meaning was brought to my attention. 

Well I guess you finally got what you wanted. 

Just another in your long list of conquests. 

Somehow I know I had it easier than them. 

So, why is my mind forever in a state of detest?

They tell me to get over it and move on. 

Why do the flashes in my mind still taunt me?

It's in the past, I try to tell myself. 

But when I think I'm happy, those times still haunt me. 

You're truly the master of deception. 

You think we're all pawns in your game. 

I'm glad I was strong enough to break free. 

The unstable thoughts in your mind are truly to blame. 

I would speak up,

But no one ever listens. 

So I'll keep my mouth shut,

And pray you change your condition.  

I would feel sorry for you,

But I can't even feel sorry for me. 

You're incapable of love. 

You're incapable of anything. 

Scenes

There's no way of knowing how an event will unfold or how you will embrace it when it comes.

~ I think I'm ready now. ~

Scenes replay in my mind,

But you're already in a different movie.

You breath in new thoughts.

I can read them before they hit me.

And then they hit me.

I feel a rush of air, a sickening feeling.

Oxygen leaves me stranded.

I loose control, and I'm reeling. 

Stealing all I've known,

Mocking me with all I've seen,

I am pouring out.

But, inside, replay of taunting scenes.

I feel something reach

For me in attempt to calm it down.

I struggle away

Because I know it isn't mine now.

There's sounds somewhere. 

I can't look. I won't turn around.

With every word,

I detach. It can't be mine now. 

I feel more weight 

That had once been lifted off of me.

Suddenly, all my dreams

Come crashing into a twisted reality.

Sickening intensifies 

As you say you've rationalized it.

I don't believe you.

Oh, how you've tried to hide it.

The scenes are ghosts.

They were once bright foundations.

They're creeping around

At night. Now I need sedation.

I hear more words.

They shake me like an earthquake.

Darkness is tempting,

But the scenes still resonate.

Both sides feel it.

They're pushed to the ground.

I don't understand how

One can fall in while another falls out. 

You can write speeches.

You can prepare for the worst,

But the scenes always replay.

So, you can never prepare for how much it hurts.