What You Wanted

Isn't this what you wanted?

~ It's never what you thought it would be. ~

I'm not really sure just happened. 

I can't speak about it because no one else is talking. 

What if I'm wrong? What if I it's what I wanted?

Then, why does it feel so lethal and so haunting?

I don't know what to think anymore. 

You were getting comfortable inside my mind. 

I listened with such obedience. 

I was swayed far too easily time and time. 

But is it what I really wanted?

No, I remember my voice grasping firmly on the word. 

As I sat there repeating it,

You were out for yourself without giving me any concern. 

I did this to myself, that's what you told me.

But I trusted you and you used that to your advantage. 

I thought I knew you and I trusted you. 

But you saw me as an opportunity to further your antics. 

I'm seeing flashes of those times. 

I didn't quite understand what happened then. 

Finally, I gave in and admitted to someone. 

And the meaning was brought to my attention. 

Well I guess you finally got what you wanted. 

Just another in your long list of conquests. 

Somehow I know I had it easier than them. 

So, why is my mind forever in a state of detest?

They tell me to get over it and move on. 

Why do the flashes in my mind still taunt me?

It's in the past, I try to tell myself. 

But when I think I'm happy, those times still haunt me. 

You're truly the master of deception. 

You think we're all pawns in your game. 

I'm glad I was strong enough to break free. 

The unstable thoughts in your mind are truly to blame. 

I would speak up,

But no one ever listens. 

So I'll keep my mouth shut,

And pray you change your condition.  

I would feel sorry for you,

But I can't even feel sorry for me. 

You're incapable of love. 

You're incapable of anything. 

Mind Games

Not everyone is good at following the rules.

~ I win. ~

I'm back in a game I was long ago,

Dazzled by hopes and dreams that glowed.

I played along but something did change.

Every twist and turn, boiled a rage.

I played along and it consumed me,

Played until what I have isn't what you need.

I started to take my pieces off the board,

But you made me play the game some more.

You raged as I tried to retaliate.

You held me back, and I began to saturate,

With mirroring images of all your pain.

Whispers filled me with your games.

You pull me in to another round.

I've played before, but I've learned how

To hold my own. You've learned too.

You've learned new tricks that are ready for use.

You try them out on me day by day.

I keep reading the rules of how to play

To figure out why you test what works.

Why you still play your way without concerns. 

I can feel the rage coming again.

I fill with your whispers, and then,

Just because things didn't go your way,

You play me like a child with your mind games.

I caught you like one of those diseases.

You made me like one of your pieces,

Something only to move in your favor,

But I never wanted to be one of the players.

You never paid attention to my wishes.

You shot down all of the competition.

But these games can't go on forever.

I see through to the truth of your endeavors.

Your cards are beginning to wear thin.

Your directions are ripping.

Your whispers are blurring out with time.

Your games are quickly gone from my mind.